Just Another Day in Paradise

​Perusing one of my blogs from many years ago, I came upon this & thought I’d share it with you. I hope it blesses you.

This morning I woke up with a heavy heart. After talking recently with a friend about how I’ve been doing pretty well for the last few months taking only half of the most recently prescribed dosage of antidepressants, some recent events would have had me wondering, not so long ago. 
Today I know that it’s normal to feel deeply, and my determination to rely more on God, (and as little as possible on chemicals) allows me to feel, and DEAL with it. 
Now I’m sitting in a crowded food pantry, looking for a mental escape. …it was as crowded today as I’ve ever seen it, and the place was full of overly warm bodies, and talking, yelling & the occasional baby crying – the sights & sounds of low-income and the discomforts of life, when you’re broke and hungry. 
At one point an overweight (most of the folks were, and probably under-nurished, statistically speaking)  woman burst in, yelling and cursing at a thin, dirty young man sitting behind me to give back her ipad. The volunteers were pretty quick to get the situation taken outside, but not before she’d hit him. I heard the impact, but couldn’t tell where she’d struck him. From his (non) reaction, it seemed like it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for their relationship.  
One more part of “the norm” for under-educated, unemployed, oppressed,  depressed populations. After the couple left, it occurred to me that some music would be nice, and w/ earbuds I would be able to block out the noise. Todd Agnew sang about Hope, and my spirit was soothed for a moment.  
After the song was over, I unplugged the earbuds & put on some old-time hymns. I felt like it was something that I could contribute, to improve the place for all of us waiting.  
A small thing, but the Spirit came through. For a few brief minutes, the chaos lifted. I felt better for having been able to help. 

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12 responses to “Just Another Day in Paradise

  1. It’s very interesting to reflect back sometimes, if just to see how far you’ve travelled. I find depressed minds see an aweful lot more when sitting and listening as life seems to happen to others. It’s like sitting on the periphery watching it go on all around you. I do hope this is a good reflection for you and that life is in a better place than it was…even if it’s not what might be deemed as perfect yet x

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      • The mind is a very curious entity I find…when in the abyss it almost incapacitates positive outlook. Yet, when you have a positve outlook you find opportunities far more frequently and thus reinforce the positive mind. I found emerging was very grim at first….filled with regret at wasting so many years…in fact that still bites now and then. But one has to keep upbeat even if you don’t feel like it. Brilliant to hear you are in a better place too. That makes the post even more poignant. 😊

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        • Thank you, Gary. I’ve never considered myself to be particularly positive, but when I think back, I think the negativity (self-loathing) has slowly begun to dissipate, as I’ve practiced the spiritual principles of recovery. And of course seeking counsel and taking my meds as directed helps as well.

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          • That’s the thing though…people slipping into depression never actually realise it’s happened. It all seems very normal until much later. I equate it to cataracts n a simplistic level. The person in whose eyes they form tend not to realise because the formation is slow and you get used to vision as it is day to day. It’s other people that notice altered compensation behaviour first. Same with MH…others probably see its impact before we do…if we ignore comments when they are first made then the brain starts normalising on what’s happening and goes into denial….self justification and gradual separation from executive function. Recovery is thus a massive habit (addiction recovery) process requiring the equivalent of a neural re-wire. It’s not as easy as it sounds either, but knowing it’s not normal is the first stage. Really pleased you are moving in the right direction Abbie x

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