Who am I, really?

Posted on by Abbie

I’ve been wrestling with this question- well, not really wrestling, more like thumb-wrestling-for a while, now. And I will likely be thinking about it for some time in the future. 

OK. Who am I?

Obviously, I’m a person in long-term recovery. That’s been pretty well established. I’ve been a Mom (for a while), a student, a Recovery Coach, a Direct Support Provider, and countless other nouns. But, my question remains the same: who am I? 

Do you know me?
I am a middle-aged Caucasian woman, a brunette, and not as tall as I once was. But that’s just the things you can see. 

I’ve been married, divorced, homeless, thought I was a tree for a moment, a miserable young adult, and a frightened child through it all.

I am an advocate for those who have no voice, and for those who do but are afraid to speak. I am a Believer in Christ, although I don’t represent Him as well as I could, which is why I’m reluctant to mention it. I know people (myself included) have often judged the Lord by how His chosen behave. I hope no one looks at me as anything but an example of His grace and mercy. For real. Even on my best days, there’s nothing good in me, save the Spirit of God.

Where do I fit?

I’ve been considering my place in the world, basically, since I was abruptly released from a certain position…one that had me smiling every single day. One where I KNEW I was right where I was supposed to be.

The situation (the termination, frankly) had me convinced that it would be far too risky to ever get a job again that meant THAT MUCH to me. The devastation and loss I felt were palpable, and lasted for weeks.

Life goes on…

I am a writer, a joke-cracker, and a Wounded Healer. A deep feeler if not so much a deep thinker. 

I believe that there are still people that I will be allowed to help, that want to learn how to live clean and sober. That’s really all I want to do, but it’s gonna have to be God’s time. 

Practicing the principles in all my affairs.

For now, what I absolutely must be is willing, honest and open-minded. I am grateful for the things God has given me, and equally grateful for things He’s taken away. 
Honestly.

Who am I? I’m a person. A weary traveller. In long-term Recovery. Former alkie/druggie, current mental health consumer. Trying to figure things out. In some ways, I am you. 🙂 

Tell me, who are you, today?

7 responses to “Who am I, really?”

  1. A very sobering question that is. Who am I? Also the title of a Jackie Chan movie…not that that’s relevant…more a word association…

    Very interesting post Abbie, almost like you were interviewing you whilst writing it. Recovering an errant mind is not an easy journey. Many people don’t understand that which is why it’s important to keep the message going out about Mental Health.

    Love you open honesty….

    On an aside, when you were a tree did you find life branching out in new directions or did you leave well alone?

    Yes, terrible pun I know!!

    Hope alls as wel as it can be and thanks for sharing this post 💐

    Liked by 1 person

    • lol Thanks, Gary! As always I value your input. And that was SUCH a bad pun. Ya made me grin, for sure.
      Oftentimes, re: talking about mental health, I feel wary about laying it all on the table. I reckon it’s just not time. 🙂 Take care ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • I know it was, so had it just had to find itself written. Still, if it made you grin then I guess it’s worked a bit 😊

        Talking about it is hard. It can bring up feelings of guilt, failure and embarrassment. All negative energies who’s job it is to keep the cycle going. Keep it secret and lock down that default mind, disabling executive brain function and leaving us flapping about in stressed anxiety at being left behind as the world moves on. You are tight, it might not be time, but do ask yourself why? Which part for you is making that decision? Is it because it stirs up all the emotions the default mind can’t handle….because IT wants to sit in the comfort zone where things just recycle?

        Things to ponder at least…and things that have been said to me!

        Great to touch base again though x

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  2. I am a perfect loving child of God. I am forgiven for every mistake I ever made or ever will. When God forgives, it’s as if it never happened. And that’s who you are too.

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