Recovery is about finding your Tribe, or #Recoveryposse

I was all set to run to the store & then the laundromat to get a week’s worth of clothes done. That was MY plan. 

What had happened was…

What actually happened was that I got the Element loaded up, put the key into the ignition, and discovered that I had a dead battery. The battery that we’d replaced just a couple of short months ago. Hm. 

My response was different…

Way different than what it would have likely been, not so long ago. The only thing I can attribute my NOT being upset to is that I’ve been consciously  practicing the 11th step more. 

What I did…

What I did do was go back inside and get ahold of my friend from Celebrate Recovery. (She’s an oldschool 12-stepper, too, but we met at CR.) It’s only by the grace of God that I even had a friend to call, considering that my default is to pull away from folks and be a hermit. 

Being aware of this tendency allows me to stop and make a decision, whether I want to rely on that (old and yet INeffective, really) coping/survival skill, or whether I want to Practice These Principles…Funny how God will set up opportunities to practice things we would REALLY rather not practice. 

What friends do…

So, my friend came over (in spite of the 25-minute drive, one way), we got the jumper cables figured out, and here’s the curious thing: my Element started right up! Yaay, God! (And to a lesser degree,us!) 

So, I was thinking as I wrote this, that having ONE friend that I can count on when I need help (Just ONE? After living in this area for OVER A YEAR? ) is pretty sad. And I started to “should” on myself. 

Don’t “should” on me!

Then the God of my semi-understanding reminded me of ME, and who I am. In fact, having a friend like this in ONLY ONE YEAR is pretty friggin miraculous! I mean, it’s not like I’m out in my community every day/week/month. 

Recovery = finding your Tribe

I’ve known more than a couple of instances where a person had a genuine, drastic change in their heart and mind, and without like-minded folks in their life on a daily business, they went back to their old ways. Oh, it wasn’t the next day, or even necessarily the same month, but there’s a very good reason why the Big Book describes alcoholism (and it def applies to any addiction) as being “cunning, baffling, and powerful”. 

Even just the realization that we are the ONLY one trying to live differently can be a big stumbling point. Yet so many of us will ignore the internal warning bells, and use that Magical Thinking and/or Denial, which NEVER worked out too well, and “soldier on” to the inevitable crashing and burning. 

Or…

There is an alternative, but it IS scary. It involves other people, and we know how uncontrollable THEY can be. But, how well did it go when we were the Director? I can say for sure that I was a TERRIBLE Manager, especially when it came to running my life. There are, seriously, a LOT of people  who think like you and feel like you, whose lives are changing for the better. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. But changing, they are! All that is required is a small amount of Honesty (with yourself, primarily), some Openmindedness (maybe they know something that can make your life less sucky), and just enough Willingness to get you in the door. 

Where everybody knows your name…



Back when I was drinking, there was no mystery as to where I would find “my people”. There are bars and liquor stores on practically every corner, where folks will encourage me and cheer me on as I pursued The Elusive Perfect Buzz (yes, that was a Thing, you know it was). If we were willing to be around THAT bunch, it’s really not asking much for us to give the sobered-up version a chance. 

Easier today…

Back when I got clean/sober, there weren’t Sober Communities online. Nope. Not a one. The only place to find folks like me was f2f, in some kind of meetings, or possibly (but rarely) in a religious organization. 

I had found Recovery “Chat Rooms”, and that was a Godsend for me, especially since I was limited in how many meetings I could attend. 

My point being, if you want to find a new and happier way to live, your best bet is to find a Community that will support you, whether face-to-face or online. Or a combination of the 2. Chances are, after a little while, you may find yourself actually having someone (sober) willing to give you a jump on a Saturday night. 

I’ve never regretted the time I’ve spent among My #recoveryposse. 

 

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23 responses to “Recovery is about finding your Tribe, or #Recoveryposse

  1. Glad you made a friend in your cabin in the woods. πŸ™‚

    On “Funny how God will set up opportunities to practice things we would REALLY rather not practice.” I alway think: do EXACTLY what you do NOT feel like doing and it will skyrocket your spiritual growth. πŸ™‚ I find I fear very much that I am in the right there. Ghegheghe…

    xx, Feeling

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well, maybe. I’m getting better at knowing when I have to ask for help. I guess I don’t “need to be” so self-sufficient. That’s a blessing that comes from having found one’s tribe. πŸ™‚

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  2. I like the comment you made about “should”.
    I was seeing a therapist a few months ago and I deal with “should” in a major way…in fact, I live my life according to what I should have done. One session, my therapist told me, “Someday you’re going to wake up and realize you should all over yourself”.
    That stuck with me.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. “God of my semi-understanding” – lol!
    It’s amazing who He puts in our path. I have to admit, Abbie, I still struggle with having “real life” people in my life, even recovery folks. I rarely speak to my sponsors, and when I go to meetings, I am rarely interested in making friends. Sometimes I feel that makes me a “bad” person, but then I also have my online friends, who I respect, love and lean on. And I guess it doesn’t matter how they come – face-to-face or via the electrical box – they are there. And having people to depend on (and more importantly, being able to be depended on, something we were never good at), is a wonderful thing indeed.

    Thanks for this, Abbie – I loved this.

    Blessings
    Paul

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey Paul! Wp hasn’t been letting me know when I have comments, lately, so I only just saw this! I am right there with you on the online vs. Irl (in real life) friends! It is great to have people to “hang with” online, but I still feel like I “should” (doh! Shoulding on myself!) make a point of having friends that I can get out with. What a dilemma. Of course, my Hermit-self doesn’t tend to make any effort at finding women to actually get away from the screens with. Thanks for coming by!! πŸ™‚

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  4. Thanks, darlin! I really needed to read this right now. I’m struggling making friendships and creating my tribe of support. I usually try and stand alone. Well, not really stand. More like sit in bed with chocolate and watch Netflix alone. It’s important to have others on the journey of recovery.

    Liked by 1 person

    • πŸ™‚ I am a lot like you. I think I avoid others b/c I project how I feel about me onto them. Hm. Gonna have to work on that. I’m so glad you came by & left a note!

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  5. I just love this! I love you! (not in a weird stalker kind of way, but the way God intends us to love each other, kind of way) I am a grateful recovering addict and I just started a blog. I was looking for some writings to read and I found this. Thank you for sharing. When you find your tribe of weirdos that an say “me too” stick with it….us “weirdos” need to stick together.

    P.S. It’s better not to should on yourself πŸ™‚

    Peace and Love always!
    Richelle

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    • Thank you for the constructive criticism! I appreciate it! Poor spelling is a pet peeve of mine as well! I guess I’ll start checking more carefully!

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