Time and Money *OR* Adulting in Recovery

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Someone said that the way you spell love to a child is T-I-M-E. Isn’t that really the way we spell love for anything that matters in our lives? The reality is, that if you take my money, I can make it back. If you take my time, it’s gone forever.
I got up this morning thinking about priorities. The best way to tell what really matters to a person is by looking 2 places. Can you guess where they are? Their checkbook/bank statement and their calendar. As I apply that to myself, I am sorry to say that “Leisure” appears to be my biggest priority. The other night at Celebrate recovery we were asked the question “What prevents you from doing God’s will?” and there was a list of things like work, family, pleasure, and church…

What is God’s will?

Someone said that she wasn’t really even sure what God’s will was, and I remember thinking that same thing. Eventually I figured out that God’s will for me was usually going to be something that didn’t immediately benefit me, but benefited someone else. (Selflessness is a big thing to my Higher Power) I learned over time that God’s will was without a doubt going to be the best thing for me, when it was all said and done. I’m great with that. Maybe it’s because of my age, at this point, and/or experience, but my next thought is “what am I going to have to go through BEFORE it’s “all said and done”? It’s true that if it’s not the best, them it’s not all said and done.

Checkbook?

Well, the majority of my funds at the moment (outside of the bare necessities)are going to things that make ME happy. I can’t remember the last time I tithed, in an actual church. Shoot, other than the trip to Indiana a couple of months ago, it’s been a rarity to find me in a church, period. And I don’t like that. I miss the days of being at The Revival, when we would be in God’s presence -I mean, like, tangible Presence- for hours, 5 days a week. I know, you’re probably thinking “What do you do at church for hours?!” I’ll tell you. We sang to the Lord, and we prayed, and mostly, we sang. The sound of a couple thousand people singing “hallelujah” together will give anyone goosebumps. It was literally like you could hear the unseen angels singing along. But I digress.
I’m a fairly down-to-earth kinda woman, or so I’ve been told. I’m willing to accept that, if it means relatively low maintenance, and practical. I guess it tells my age that I think those two things are pretty complimentary. So, what I do spend my “mad money” on…mostly things that make me feel better about how I look. As a married person, I think a certain amount of vanity isn’t a terrible thing, but I’ve been known to rationalize, before. But, yeah. I want to look nice for my husband, and I suppose, for myself too. It’s pretty minimal stuff, though. I’m grateful to have discovered that if I stay out of places like Hobby Lobby and Michael’s I don’t spend money on craft supplies, and the less I go to the Goodwill, the less I spend on clothes.

Calendar?

I think this is the biggest culprit of my wastefulness. Anyone who knows me, if they were being blatantly honest, would have to say that it’s true. I waste a lot of time in front of the “Idiot Box” (My Dad’s loving description. Still true today, though, isn’t it?). This morning, I actually got out my Bible and read. Not enough to feel too “holy” about, mind you, but some. And then I realised that this was what I was going to share with you today.
I have, in the past, gone out of the room when my family is watching tv, and I have gotten out of that habit. After work, I want to decompress, doesn’t everyone? But a half hour turns into an hour turns into the rest of the night and then it’s bedtime. I want to find other things to fill my time, things that will enrich my mind and my life. As the weather gets back to a tolerable temperature, I’d like to think I will get outside and walk. I know it could only do me good. But…I’m lazy. I can rationalize it a dozen ways (just ask), but the truth is “I don’t want to!”
However, I DO want to lose weight, and I DO want to be able to breathe more easily after walking upstairs to our apartment. I DO want to feel the sun on my face…Therein lies my dilemma. I am torn between what my SELF wants to do, and what my Spirit wants to do.
Never thought of it like that. That makes sense. My Self wants to lay around and eat. My Spirit wants to make the most of this life. THIS TIME WILL NEVER COME AGAIN.
So. I feel certain that I can do a little housework each day, do a little writing, and then find something to do that involves me NOT sitting on my butt.
I’ll let ya know how this works out for me.

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