Powerlessness and other things I dislike

The first of the 12 steps states that “we admittted we were powerless…”, and I know that some folks take issue with that. The way I look at it is that when I put one _______(drink or drug) into my body, the choice of when I will stop is no longer mine to make. I can try any way you want, to control how it goes down, but the fact is that once I pick up, it’s out of my hands.

Like if I (being a relatively weak person, physically) were to go up to a strong person and kick them in the shins as hard as I could: it would be 100% out of my control to determine how much of an a**-whipping I was going to get. Yeah, powerless.

The thing is, admitting my powerlessness is simply a tiny step toward sanity. It’s been apparent to any lucid observers, probly for a while, that my life’s been out of control after I take one drink, toke, snort, hit, etc… But part of the insanity of addiction is that it tells you that it’s “under control”. They say it’s the only disease that tells you that you’re not sick.

If you’re not able to swallow your being powerless, that’s cool. Figure out another way to word it. I did that with part of that step. My life had become “unmanageable”, but I wasn’t really feeling that word. So, I changed that part, for me: my life sucked. Remember I like to keep things simple.

After being clean & sober for a while I learned that my powerlessness extended far beyond my chemical consumption, to my entire life.

Oh, and for the “other things I dislike”:
Bullies and lima beans.

That’s all I’ve got for now. I hate being powerless, but the fact is, when I was running my life, it really did suck.

Thanks for letting me share.

Posted from my hut in the forest.

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10 responses to “Powerlessness and other things I dislike

  1. Please keep loving yourself and giving yourself praise and encouragement. You have come so far. And I know this is a life-long battle but you’re winning it! I grew up with alcoholism and in my marriage was exposed to drug abuse. You’re right. The word ‘powerlessness’ is perfectly accurate, but hard to admit for many. Life ain’t easy for many of us. But you, my beautiful friend Abbie, are a survivor. And you’re strong too. That comes through in your writing. Sending a hug and admiration to you in your hut in the forest. We’ve never met but your words and your humanity come through clearly in your words.♥ With affection, your friend Cara Rosewyn

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  2. Powerlessness is the idea in 12 step programs that grate on me the most. I hate the idea of powerlessness because people use it to justify their relapse, but like you have written, the first drink, hit, snort is a choice.

    After that, use becomes driven by the physiology of withdrawal rather than the mind. For me ‘powerlessness’ only happens when I’m using. Sobriety gives me my power back.

    Thanks for writing this. I know this is where a lot of people have issues with 12 step programs.

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