Wolves in Sheeps’ Clothing

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Beware, little lambs

I just wrote a long post about a Newbie in sobriety and an older person who’s attempting to take advantage of her, and then erased it. Thinking of the emotional train wreck most of us are when we first get clean and sober, it’s altogether too easy to fall into a trap.

Nothing New Uunder the Sun
When I first got clean, I was sexually harassed by the Dr. who was supposed to be helping the women at the treatment center where I was being treated. I never told anyone at the time, because, honestly, who would believe a drug addict over a “respected” citizen? No doubt he was counting on that, and my only regret is that I didn’t speak up so as to possibly spare the next women coming behind me. At the time, it was the sort of thing that I’d gotten used to (sexual abuse/harassment) so much that it was “just another day” when he said those disgusting things to me. The same kind of scenario is going on with my friend: he’s a “model citizen”, and taking advantage of her vulnerability.

Books and their Covers
Prior to treatment, while in my addiction, I used my “womanly wiles” to get by at times. Heck, that was the only value I had, and the only way I knew to get something that resembled love, if only for a little while. However, I wasn’t usually as slick as the ones I was trying to manipulate, and ultimately I was always the one who got hurt.

Hurt people, hurt people
My friend is being sexually harassed in front of her child. He has already been damaged (seen) enough; he doesn’t need to learn more ways to behave inappropriately toward women. But I can’t do it for her. I can validate her feelings that “something’s not right”, and I can encourage her to set boundaries. And most importantly, I can pray for her.
That’s all I can bring myself to say, now. I’m going to go do some cleaning and blow off some energy. I know it’s difficult learning to stand up for yourself. I completely get it, boundaries are REALLY a foreign concept. It just brings back so many painful memories, and I want to help my friend to avoid them…

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10 responses to “Wolves in Sheeps’ Clothing

  1. Wow. I guess I’m not in enough meetings to see anyone “13 stepping,” but I’m sure it happens more than I think. While I know getting sober doesn’t transform people with predatory traits into selfless angels, I hope being in the presence of enough of the true miracles–the ones that start the healing process and truly humble their recipients–helps counteract the negativity surrounding your friend.

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    • Thanks Robert. I’m hoping so, too. It’s difficult enough healing from the past without trying to heal while the crap is still happening. Good to hear from you, friend!

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  2. I really like how you took these expressions and flipped them upside down, played with them a bit. I’m sorry to hear about that Dr. of yours and other related experience. But man I’m glad you’re sharing about it. It’s a beacon of hope once you get it out in the open. Others can break the cycle too.

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    • Thanks, Mark! It’s getting easier to find the words, the more I write. I was so happy when the Dr. rerired a few years ago. And my friend said she felt validated by my reaction to her situation. Early on, “feelings” can be so difficult to decipher.

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  3. Hi Abbie!
    Thank you for sharing your experiences.
    I have not seen any sexual harassment in my meetings, but I realize that it happens.
    My friend, who is dating, finds it prevalent in the sating world and in the work world.
    It’s a huge problem, and I had several minor experiences myself.
    xo
    Wendy

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