When I entered into the residential treatment center, I remember a counselor telling me that I had “analysis paralysis”.
It would seem, after I’d pondered it a bit, that she was saying that I thought too much.
“Think think think”
…a sign at the meetings read. An oldtimer liked to tell the Newbies, “That doesn’t apply to you!” I didn’t know what he meant by that, but I was pretty sure I didn’t like it.
I had always been told, before, that I should think as much as I could!
“You’re such a smart girl! You could get straight A’s if you just applied your…(mind).”
But now that they mentioned it, I reckon it hadn’t done me a whole lot of good.
“My best thinking got me here”
They told me to keep it simple; don’t overthink things. Considering the sh*tstorm that my life had been, they had a really strong arguement.
So, how am I supposed to stop thinking?
Thankfully, they began helping me to slow down the “Freight-train Brain”, as Dad used to call it. I found that giving my mind something simple to hold onto, like the Serenity Prayer, for example, was often enough of a distraction to keep me from mentally running myself into a ditch. I never got to be an Expert Meditator, but by listening to the Oldtimers – even the one who said that saying didn’t apply to me – I eventually got into some good habits that allowed me to “comprehend the word serenity” and even to “know peace”, however briefly. Listening to music that wasn’t connected to the old life was helpful, as well. It gave me something safe (positive lyrics) to think about, that kept my brain occupied. And my mind needed a complete overhaul, really. I was “bankrupt” in sooo many ways by the time I was ready to climb down from the throne of my life.
Simple isn’t the same as imbecilic.
After having worked on it for a couple of decades, there are many times when I mention to someone (outside of the fellowship) that I like to keep things simple, and the look on their face says I must be a complete moron. I have to smile to myself, as I recall the saying “Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?” Over-analysing everything in my life (cos if I can understand all of it, maybe I can control it!) certainly didn’t find me a lot of happiness. I’d really rather be happy. And that’s as simple as it gets for me.
Posted from my cabin in the thunderclouds.