I’ve been thinking lately about doing new things, doing old familiar things; success and failure.
One of my favorite things to say to myself (I don’t know why, but I suspect I can figure it out)is that “I’m not good enough”. Not a good enough wife, not a good enough mom, and certainly not a good enough writer to ever do more than copy & paste crap on Facebook.
Where in Hell does all that come from? Yeah, I did kinda just answer my own question.
I know that my parent’s parents had high expectations for them, according to the idea of “success” back in the 1940’s, 50’s, and so on. We’ve all seen the American Success Story prototypes, right?
The media (what there was, then) never showed people who were dirty, hungry, overweight, poor or mentally ill – at least not for more than a moment, (not to mention drunks or addicts) and certainly “those people” weren’t seen as having any positive qualities. Even Otis, from The Andy Griffith show, was only good for laughs and making everyone feel better about themselves. “Poor Otis…” I have no doubt that the Middle Class dream, around that time, looked a whole lot like Ward & June Cleaver’s place. Heck, even the single parents of that era had their sh*t together. Hmmm. Were there any single Moms, back then? None come to mind. Musta been too depressing to show that part of society.
So, is it any wonder that just one short generation later, we are wracked with insecurities and self-doubt?
So, here’s the flip-side of this deal: it’s false pride. (Ouch)
Yep. It’s all a bunch of “Me me me me me!” Cos, guess what?
When I stop looking at how weak and wretched I am, and remember what really matters, all that kinda fades away. Or rather, Who matters.
I’m not gonna go on a scripture-quoting rant, but I will share with you what I heard as I thought about this dark place I seem to be drawn to…
I can do all things through Him, when I let Him lead. When I am weak, He is strong, when I keep my eyes on Him, things work out.
The One Who works all things together for my good, according to His purposes, has given me so many reasons to know that He’s got my back…He’s the One who brings beauty from ashes. He loves us, the unlovely ones. Jesus said that He didn’t come for those who (thought they) were well, but He came for we who recognise our sickness, our need for Salvation, from our own mess, among other things. My favorite scripture is John 3:17. God didn’t send His son to condemn us, but so that through Him we might be saved.
I’ve gotta get a grip on who it is that tells me lies about myself: I’m not smart enough, young enough, they won’t like me, my clothes aren’t nice enough, my hair is wrong, I’m destined to live in the slums forever…
I’m not trying to say that any of those things would make me a bad person. I just want to see some kind of forward momentum from my efforts. One step forward & 2 steps back really gets tiresome. But, like I think Mother Teresa said, we’re not called to be successful. We’re called to obey.
God is well known for using weak to shame the strong, and the least of these to beat the greatest.
Ok, Lord. I’m giving it to You.
Posted from my non-villa, nowhere near any hamlet.